Those Advice shared by A Dad Which Helped Us as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who still hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to request a break - taking a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."